Waiting for Him to Somehow ‘Know’ How to Love Me - The principles of Taoist Sexology

A personal journey of awakening, intimacy, and feminine empowerment.

For a long time, I lived with this quiet belief that the right man would simply understand me. Not because we talked, not because we explored each other slowly, but because I wanted love to feel intuitive almost magical.

I thought a man who truly cared would just know how to hold me, how to touch me, how to move with my body, how to meet me in the places I didn’t yet know how to express. And when he didn’t, I turned all of that inwards. I assumed I wasn’t attractive enough, desirable enough, confident enough, feminine enough.

I didn’t realise how much I had disconnected from my own body simply by waiting.

When silence becomes a habit

I kept quiet during sex. I let men set the pace, even when my body wanted something completely different. I didn’t know how to guide, I just hoped intimacy would somehow sort itself out.

But silence especially inside the body it has consequences.

It closes, withdraws, and slowly begins to shut down pleasure.

And while I kept waiting for men to “get it right,” I was slowly drifting away from myself.

How his sexual struggles became my insecurities

When he came too fast, I blamed myself. When he lost his erection, I blamed myself. When he avoided sex out of shame or stress, I blamed myself. When porn shaped his arousal, I felt invisible.

Women absorb these things deeply even when they’re not ours to carry.

For many years, I carried the emotional weight of men’s sexual struggles without understanding what was actually happening. I internalised all of it.

Until my work changed everything.

The quiet turning point I didn’t expect

My transition didn’t come through a relationship. It came through my work, through sexuality, touch, and healing.

When I began working with sexual energy and the body, everything started to make sense. I wasn’t just learning techniques; I was learning myself.

Every client’s story reflected a part of me. Every session mirrored something I still needed to understand.

Through my work, something inside me softened. By being completely authentic and fully present with my clients, I unintentionally gave myself permission to step into my own feminine power. The more I guided others into the depths of their pleasure, the more I found myself meeting the depths of my own.

My needs stopped feeling unreasonable, my natural pace no longer felt like a burden, and the desire I had spent years quieting finally became something I could honour without hesitation.

In supporting others, I realised I was also supporting myself and that was the gift I didn’t know I had been giving myself all along.

And it was in this process that I found Taoist sexology and the Mantak Chia teachings that completely reshaped my understanding of love and intimacy.

Taoist Sexology

One of the most liberating parts of my journey was learning the Taoist model of intimacy a map of how men and women are energetically designed to meet.

In Taoism:

Yang (masculine) = Fire, rising up the mountain

Yin (feminine) = Water, flowing down the valley

Fire goes up. Water goes down.

These are not metaphors they are the actual energetic currents moving through our bodies.

Yang: the fire rising up the mountain

Men’s sexual energy moves upward like a flame:

• fast

• direct

• conscious

• visually triggered

• seeking expression

This rising energy explains why many men:

• get aroused quickly

• want penetration early

• struggle to slow down

• climax fast

• feel overwhelmed at the idea of “holding back”

Taoist masters say:

“Yang shoots upward like flame quick to ignite, quick to peak.”

It is simply their nature.

Yin: the water descending through the valley

Women’s energy moves downward like water:

• slow

• deep

• emotional

• layered

• intuitive

• sensitive

A woman opens gradually. Her arousal begins as a descent heart to breast, breast to belly, belly to pelvis, pelvis to womb.

Taoism teaches:

“Yin gathers depth as she descends. She warms slowly, but once warm, she becomes vast.”

This is why women need more time, more warmth, more safety, more emotional connection, and more full-body touch before penetration.

Water cannot be rushed.

And suddenly, everything made sense

Understanding this was like turning the lights on in a room I had been living in for years.

I finally saw why my partners moved faster than I could follow.

I saw why I tensed or closed even when I wanted intimacy.

I saw why sex sometimes hurt or felt overwhelming.

I saw why my womb felt unprepared.

I saw why desire faded the moment things became

rushed.

There was nothing wrong with me my body was following its natural Yin rhythm.

But no one had ever taught me that.

The Taoist Formula: Water Over Fire

Another essential teaching that changed my life is the Taoist formula “Water Over Fire.”

This principle isn’t just poetic it’s practical, biological, and deeply erotic.

In Taoist internal alchemy:

• Water = womb, kidneys, feminine essence, Yin

• Fire = heart, passion, masculine desire, Yang

If fire rises uncontrollably, it burns out. If water is too cold, it extinguishes the flame.

But when water sits over fire, everything becomes balanced.

Water tempers the flame. Fire warms the water.

This is the essence of sexual healing:

Yin guides the rhythm.

Yang responds to her guidance.

Mantak Chia describes it beautifully:

“When a man follows the pace of the woman, her Yin cools his fire and his fire warms her water. This is the dance that awakens true sexual energy.”

This is the opposite of porn-conditioned sexuality. Porn makes men explode upward like fireworks.Taoism teaches men to warm slowly, steadily, deeply.

Why the feminine must lead

When a woman leads through breath, softness, presence, and her natural timing, she places water over fire.

She guides without dominating. She opens without forcing. She leads from intuition, not control.

And when a man allows that guidance, something extraordinary happens:

• he becomes more grounded

• he lasts longer

• he feels more confident

• he becomes more emotionally available

• he experiences deeper pleasure

• he opens to true connection

This is how intimacy becomes nourishing instead of draining.

Lao Tzu wrote:

“Nothing in the world is softer than water. Yet nothing can compare with its power to overcome what is hard.”

This is feminine sexual leadership the Yin power men have never been taught to follow.

The valley meets the mountain

When fire learns to slow, and water learns to rise, the lovers meet in the middle.

Here, intimacy becomes synchronised.

Pleasure becomes shared.

Sex becomes a union, not a performance.

The womb opens instead of guarding.

The man relaxes instead of rushing.

The relationship finds its rhythm again.

And for me, this understanding changed everything.

I stopped waiting for men to “just know.” I learned how to guide consciously. I learned how to honour my nature. I learned how to let my Yin lead without apology.

This is where my true sexual liberation began in the space where water and fire finally learned how to dance.

Conclusion: The Moment I Stopped Waiting

I spent years waiting for men to understand me waiting for them to guess my needs, waiting for them to slow down, waiting for them to lead in a way that matched my nature.

But waiting kept me trapped. Waiting kept me silent. Waiting kept me disconnected from my own body.

I stopped waiting for men to “just know.” I learned to guide with presence.I learned to honour my body. I learned to communicate without apology.

This is the power of understanding the body.

This is the power of knowing yourself.